If humor’s the chicken soup for the soul or such nonsense, then automotive humor is the Ferrari of Fitness. Events have been too serious in the world of late (e.g., Lebanon, GM/Renault/Nissan, SMART coming to the U.S., etc.) so I thought to go for a change of pace.

If humor’s the chicken soup for the soul or such nonsense, then automotive humor is the Ferrari of Fitness. Events have been too serious in the world of late (e.g., Lebanon, GM/Renault/Nissan, SMART coming to the U.S., etc.) so I thought to go for a change of pace.

From Automotive.com:

Acura Integra I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars

Acura Legend I’m too bland for German cars

Acura NSX I am impotent

Audi 90 I enjoy putting out engine fires

Buick Park Avenue I am older than4 of the 50 states

Cadillac Eldorado I am a very good Mary Kay salesman

Cadillac Seville I am a pimp

Chevrolet Camaro I enjoy beating the hell out of people

Chevrolet Chevette I like seeing people’s reactions when I tell them I have a ‘Vette

Chevrolet Corvette I’m in a mid-life crisis

Chevrolet El Camino I am leading a militia to overthrow the government

Chrysler Cordoba I dig the rich Corinthian leather

Datsun 280Z I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Dodge Dart I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower

Dodge Daytona I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Ferrari Testarossa I am known to prematurely ejaculate

Ford Fairmont (See Dodge Dart)

Ford Mustang I slow down to 85 in school zones

Ford Crown Victoria I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them

Geo Storm I will start the 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker I will start the 12th grade in the fall.

Honda del Sol I have always said, half a convertible better than no convertible at all

Honda Civic I have just graduated and have no credit

Honda Accord I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45 I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

Isuzu Impulse I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.

Jaguar XJ6 I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lamborghini Countach I only have one testicle

Lincoln Town Car I live for bingo and covered dish suppers

Mercury Grand Marquis (See above)

Mercedes 500SL I will beat you up if you ask me for an auto-graph

Mercedes 560SEL I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole

Mazda Miata I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen- wheeler

MGB I am dating a mechanic

Mitsubishi Diamante I don’t know what it means either

Nissan00ZX I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass I just stole this car and I’m going to make a fortune off the parts

Peugeot 505 Diesel I am on the EPA’s Ten Most Wanted List

Plymouth Neon I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena

Pontiac Trans AM I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 911 Turbo I have a three inch thingie

Porsche 944 I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal

Saturn SC2 (See Honda Civic)

Subaru Legacy I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu

Toyota Camry I am still in the closet

Volkswagon Beetle I still watch Partridge Family reruns

Volkswagon Cabriolet I am out of the closet

Volkswagen Jetta GLX I am hung like a dead horse.

Volkswagon Microbus I am tripping right now

Volvo 740 Wagon I am frightened of my wife