Ed. Note — the following anecdotes arose out of an IM conversation the other day, in which no less than 12 lies were told in attempts to outdo the other person on the topic of mistakes made while driving. That said, the following anecdotes are entirely true. Feel free to add your own in comments.
Ed. Note — the following anecdotes arose out of an IM conversation the other day, in which no less than 12 lies were told in attempts to outdo the other person on the topic of mistakes made while driving. That said, the following anecdotes are entirely true. Feel free to add your own in comments.
The Four Freds
There are times when it’s nice to have three other people in the car. Luckily we weren’t going fast as we coasted toward the building. Car died. Steering wheel locked. Power assisted brakes lost, um, power.
Thus, the immortal words were spoken: “I hope everyone is wearing shoes.”
And so we Flintstoned. We all opened our doors, stuck out at least one foot, and pressed as hard against the ground as we could. We were able to avoid parking the car on top of the desks inside the building, but frankly I don’t ever want to have to stop a car like that again.
Debbie Does Makeup
Gordon had a Subaru. A drab olive and tan two-tone. Probably an ‘82. Comfortably, the car fit four. Slightly less comfortably, it fit five. So, of course, we had eight.
Eight people barreling down a long gravel road at about 70 mph (112 kph) and Gordon telling us not to worry because, “I have four-wheel-drive on!” Which sent chills of trust through all of us. And what, I ask, what could be better than speeding on gravel, music blaring, and eight people trying to get as comfortable as possible? Gordon imagining he was driving slalom. Of course!
Debbie was sitting in the front passenger seat. She was the cutest and as such received the choice seating, while the rest of us squished in the back, two of us pretending to be seat belts for the rest. We were running late for something that required getting dressed up, and Debbie spent most of the ride doing her hair and applying her makeup. By the time we made it to the gravel road she was doing eyeliner and lipstick.
So we have a group of sardine wannabes, Debbie doing makeup, and Gordon trying to ride the line between controlled slalom and spinning out of control. Which, of course is exactly what happened.
First with the wild fishtailing. Then a total spin out coming to a stop with the driver’s side wheels up in the air and someone yelling “Hard to port!” The car smashed down on the ground again and we were perpendicular to the road. Those that had been seat belts had switched places with those “held” in place. Gordon hit his head pretty hard on the steering wheel. I was face up in between the passenger and driver seats, looking directly at Debbie as she finished putting on her makeup.
And, as usual, she looked great. No hair out of place. Eyeliner and lipstick expertly applied. She looked perfect. If I had a crush on her before, now I was in awe. Man she was cute.
3 comments so far
Okay guys, this is a completely true story, I promise.
Two summers ago, MLB All-Star Weekend was at Wrigley Field in Chicago, and I was living in Chicago at the time. I’m driving up Lake Shore Drive, and the light is turning red in front of me, so I stop, obviously.
At the stop light I casually looked to my left and saw a black BMW X5 4.4i, so of course I look in to see who’s driving (the windows are rolled down) and it’s Derek Jeter in the passenger seat with Jason Giambi driving. They’re chatting away, and then Jeter looks over at me and I kinda nod, and then he starts laughing, nods, and then keeps on talking to Jason. The light turns green, and they take a quick left.
“Honey, look! It’s Jeter and Giambi in the car next to us!” I say to my girlfriend. She doesn’t even bother to look, turns to me, and says “stop lying and find a damn parking spot.”
November 5th, 2004 at 2:08 am
Well, not as interesting, perhaps, as the “flintstones” story but here goes…
So I was heading home to Chicago at around 11PM on a Sunday night. Traffic on I-90 was fairly light and I was going about 75 mph in my old 2001 Celica GT and this white Honda Prelude with two young guys in it had been coming up alongside me, dropping back, zipping ahead and then falling back alongside me again for miles. I figured that they wanted to race but I knew they would kick my ass since my GT was a) an automatic and b) had only 140 hp. They were in a manual 200 hp Prelude.
Anyway, so this goes on for a bit with the Prelude floating around me until, finally, they take off and I lose sight of them. Around the west-bound Irving Park road exit there’s a bit of a curve in the expressway that hides upcoming traffic for a second. Well, Immediately after hitting this curve I notice that the car in front me slams on it’s brakes which causes me to do the same. The highly effective brakes on the Celica (one of it’s best points) saved me there since I stopped mere inches from the other cars bumper. After the initial shock of the emergency braking left I wondered why the hell we were stopped in the first place. Well, it turns out that the same white Prelude from before comes slowly rolling towards us and finally ends up facing the wrong direction on the shoulder of the road. The entire side of the car was bashed in and the two young dudes got out and were just shaking. Apparently they had zipped ahead, tried to pass someone on the right-hand shoulder, screwed up, over-compensated to the left and ended up spinning across three lanes of expressway, slamming into the opposite wall and rolling to a stop on the left-hand shoulder.
Pretty crazy.
The moral of that story is don’t drive like a jackass kids. But at the end of the day nobody got hurt as far as I could tell so, whatever.
November 5th, 2004 at 12:25 pm
The Importance of Decent Tires
In early April on my way back from UC I hopped on an entrance ramp in my ‘00 Mustang to go on the arterial. I had crappy Goodyear Eagle GAs (read: worst tire ever) that were pretty well worn. There was about an inch of snow on the ramp, and I noticed that there was a guy behind me.
During the merge, I managed to kick the rear end loose because I was backwards from checking the blind spot, and then spun around 180 degrees, finally coming to a stalled stop but facing 2 lanes of oncoming 50 mph traffic, 3 cars deep each.
Last thought before impact: So this is how it ends.
Luckily the guy behind me on the ramp came to a stop, and to my amazement both the rows of traffic moved over and snuck by me. I started the car, turned it around and drove home, very carefully. My first and only mistake last winter, and it could have been fatal.
November 5th, 2004 at 8:06 pm
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