It seems we’re in the midst of crossover mania lately. But with a few exceptions, there seems to be a common thread, or rather a common thread that’s conspicuous by its absence.

It seems we’re in the midst of crossover mania lately. But with a few exceptions, there seems to be a common thread, or rather a common thread that’s conspicuous by its absence.

Let’s review: Chrysler Pacifica, Mercedes R-Class, Ford Edge, GMC Acadia, Buick Enclave. All four-door, wagon-ish-like contraptions with their respective manufacturers touting them as segment-shattering, all-new vehicular concepts. In reality, they’re just tall wagons or low-slung SUVs. (Take your pick.)

But all of these examples have conventional, frontal-hinged rear doors. The rear doors on the Mercedes, in particular, are freakishly long, almost coupe-like appendages. Perhaps this affords ideal ingress when the valet pulls it up to the front door of Ruth’s Chris, but if this runway model-mom mobile was subjected to the quotidian routine of the shopping mall and supermarket, I assure you those long doors would be far more of a liability than an asset.

Even the latest versions of the Ford Fairlane concept have eschewed sliding rear doors for conventional front-hingers. While only Ford knows ultimately what the production version will have, they won’t be sliders if the predominant trend continues.

So why this seemingly irrational aversion to sliding rear doors? Certainly from a functional standpoint, rear sliders are a lot more practical in narrow parking slots, requiring only a few lateral inches to fully open. In addition, most minivans now offer a remote power sliding feature, making them even handier.

Ah yes, minivans. The “M” word, the insidious icon of suburbia that even “soccer moms” shudder to be associated with and which rear sliders are unshakably associated.

So my question, soccer moms, general consumers, and vehicle designers…is
this: Is it better to look cool, or to have real, usable, practical functionality? And really, how cool will you really look walking out to your “crossover,” sack of groceries in one hand, screaming 2 year-old in the other, trying to open that huge rear door in a crowded parking lot, all the while trying not to spill your booty of Doritos, 1-percent milk, Cap’n Crunch, and ground beef? All the while, you look over in envy to the perky Stepford-ish mom effortlessly pushing the buttons on her remote and simultaneously popping the rear hatch and opening the sliding door on her Grand Caravan, depositing the evening’s dinner ingredients in the back and buckling little Billy in the second row, drama-free.

Will the second-generation “crossovers” get sliding rears once former minivan owners, who had purchased the first generation CUVs, realize how much they miss their rear sliders? Time will tell if function will trump consumer vanity.

Edward A. Sanchez