I’m walking across a parking lot recently and I’m nearly run over by a massive Dodge Ram 3500 with some sort of grotesquely huge lift kit. This bad-boy was seriously six feet off the ground. There’s no way the driver could see little old me on foot from atop that massive ride.

I’m walking across a parking lot recently and I’m nearly run over by a massive Dodge Ram 3500 with some sort of grotesquely huge lift kit. This bad-boy was seriously six feet off the ground. There’s no way the driver could see little old me on foot from atop that massive ride.

I step clear of the rumbling beast and the guy proceeds to park across two parking spaces. I anxiously wait to see what sort of figure emerges from this chromed glossy-painted monster. After all, he spent all that money to get the attention; the least I can do is give him a moment of my time.

And he didn’t squash me like a tiny little bug — he gets an automatic ten points for that.

The door opens and I see a leg fumble to find the first step. The guy scales down the ladder and onto the ground. He is a completely normal twenty-something looking guy — except for one thing: he looks like a complete idiot standing next to this enormous truck.

I am immediately struck by a circus image — a reverse on the old big clown, small car routine. But this was little clown, big truck. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Well, there was a second thing that made him stand out: a t-shirt that read “X-treme Off road.” (I can’t tell you how done I am with everything being “extreme,” especially when spelled with the obnoxious “X” variant.) I could just picture him watching six hours of TiVo-ed downhill skateboarding.

Then, much to my amusement, he has forgotten something and must climb back inside the truck. Not smooth. It’s even funnier than watching him climb down. Now, I’m laughing out loud and hoping the guy isn’t reaching in there for a crowbar.

I suddenly realize a few things. First, I realize I never want any vehicle I have to practice getting in and out of to avoid looking like a complete fool. Second, I never want to stand out in that way - -like a white tom turkey in a brown hen farm. And finally, I want a truck I can park in one parking space because this lady in the Mercedes looks pretty ticked off.

And such a shame — this truck is so beautifully lined. I start to feel bad for this once proud machine so hideously transformed into a gigantic freak of a show car. Never designed to be jacked up like that, it drives around all day showing only its less than attractive underbelly — its styling overshadowed by a gaudy airbrushed paintjob — its owner a complete nimrod.

I turn back toward my destination before I have to start answering questions like “What are you lookin’ at, bucko?” I steal one last look at the tiny man and his towering monstrosity.

Despite the comedy and my personal hatred of the modifications, I can still see the underlying beauty of the design. I think if I was in the market for a large truck, I would definitely look at this Ram.

I can say this though, if I ever do get a big truck like that, I now know it won’t be one with a humongous suspension lift kit — because, for a non-extreme guy like me, that would be “X-tremely” stupid.